i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
