I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
