Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
