Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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