no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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