So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
