There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
