he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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