Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
