I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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