I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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