Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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