Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
