He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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