I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
