tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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