Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize