Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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