I didn't shave. On purpose
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
