So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
