I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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