i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
