3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
