sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
