Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
