i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
