He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
