if you like me you must not know who I am
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
