he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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