I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
