and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
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i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
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When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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