How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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