woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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