Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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