We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
