took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
