he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The power of my boobs compel you
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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