Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
