guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
