I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
