Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
