I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
