she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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