dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
