Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
