When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
How's work?
Spinning.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
