I think I died a long time ago.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
