i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
