I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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