Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
