Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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