this just has baby written all over it
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
