You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
