its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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