You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
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Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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