Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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