susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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