I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
