i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
