a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
