He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
