she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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