There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize