i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b