You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.