Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
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Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
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Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.