she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical