i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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