My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
