**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
