Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
