Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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