Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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