just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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