ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Success! We fucked roommates!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
