When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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