i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
