yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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