WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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