Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
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You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
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Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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