my soul wont recognize me after tonight
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
