I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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