This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
