I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
