Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
