what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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