afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
