She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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